I Didn't Expect To Have That Conversation!

I just got off the phone with the soon-to-be-ex. We were talking about the latest version of the settlement. We both feel that we're "this" close to finally being done with this part of the process.

"We should be close and might even be able to sign the papers by the end of this week," he said.

"Sweet!" I replied.

"Just keep up that attitude and that should help make this happen even faster!"

Did he just give me a pep-talk to get me through the finalization of the settlement? I didn't see that coming 8 months ago!

Image provided by Keith Syvinski.

Deliberately Off Balance

Last Saturday I went to my first Kripalu yoga class at the Lloyd Athletic Club taught by Barbara Wood.

The focus of the class was on centering. I feel better just writing that word. But the interesting thing was that she encouraged us to deliberately shift our weight slightly off balance temporarily in each pose and then to come back to center and notice how much easier it was to identify.

We may not do this intentionally in life, but we've probably all experienced this concept off the mat. (I know, I often allow external circumstances to throw me off balance.) But each time we stop and take the time to find our center we become more familiar with it and the easier it is to locate.

(Image provided by abcdz2000 via stock.xchng.)

Delight In the Process

For the first time in years I feel like I'm on the right path with pursing freelancing. I know I have a really long way to go, but that actually kind of excites me. I'm actually looking forward to the process more than the outcome.

Don't get me wrong, I want to get published, make money and establish a good reputation for myself, but even if I don't, I know that I'm doing the "write" thing (sorry, couldn't help it) by pursuing this goal.

Is that how you feel about your current goals? If not, have you ever felt that way about anything?

(Photo provided by Michal Zacharzewski via stock.xchng.com.)

Getting Things Done

I took the week off to work on my freelancing career and I've been learning a lot. I kicked the week off by taking a freelancing primer by Laurie Dart at PCC which helped me gain confidence and direction.

The biggest hurdle for me was writing and submitting my first query which I sent to Yoga Journal yesterday -- thanks to the helpful advice of Moira Allen and The Renegade Writer.

I still have a lot to learn and do:
1) Define my online presence (I want to create a website.)
2) Write more queries (My goal is to write a query a week this year.)
3) Gain more readership for my wine blog: swirlsniffsipandsavor.blogspot.com.

In addition, some of the divorce stuff seems to be coming together:
1) We meet with our Realtor on Wednesday and the condo is now listed on RMLS.
2) I reviewed what I hope is the final settlement proposal and my lawyer should have sent it to the soon-to-be-ex's lawyer.
3) I transferred my portion of the join credit card debt to my own account.
4) I am working on refinancing my car into my own name. (I hope I'm not doing the refi stuff too soon. It has to be done so I just figured it would be better to get it over with.)

Unfortunately, I was not entirely perfect. I did have a bit of a relapse and bought a pack of cigarettes. I don't like it, but I can't seem to get myself to throw them away.

How was your week?

Photo provided by Cris DeRaud.

No Longer Up in Smoke: Day 4

I decided to quit smoking again.

It's been intense, but I'm doing it! I get anxious and irritated, but I'm learning that smoking didn't solve anything, the intense emotions don't last and I don't have to react.

Naturally, temptation is constantly striking. For example, as I was driving to my friends' house yesterday, each gas station I passed was advertising the brand of cigarettes I used to smoke and the price kept decreasing as I got closer to their house. I managed to laugh at the obvious test of my will and to keep driving.

In addition, to make sure it's a true challenge to quit, one of my worst fears has come to pass over the last few days: the-soon-to-be-ex-husband hasn't been depositing enough money into the joint account to cover his portion of the bills. Fortunately, we have overdraft protection, but it's still scary. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he refuses to acknowledge my questions.

In the past I would panic and fly into an emotionally frenzied state, but this time I'm trying to remain calm and non reactive. I just keep telling myself "This is not the end of the world. I can handle this."

I'm actually kind of thankful that this is all happening because I think it's a fabulous learning experience. You see, the-soon-to-be-ex has always been able to find my weak spots and poke them and I would react in horrible ways. I thought that being rid of him would automatically solve the problem, but now I realize that he was only part of the problem. His behavior was often less than stellar, but my response was deplorable as well. Now I want to learn to manage my thoughts, emotions and actions in a more productive and peaceful manner and this is a prime opportunity to practice.

Plus my hair smells good!

(Picture by Martin Rotovnik.)