Sunday, September 14, 2008

Eating my budget

I think worrying about my financial situation has lead to my recent weight regain.

When I first instigated the divorce I felt like it was such a positive change that I deliberately didn't worry about money and spoiled myself with visits to my parents, getting my hair done, buying some new dresses for work, etc.

But it's been 4.5 months now that I've been paying rent and paying for half of my "marital expenses" and I'm out of money, I'm binging like I did when I got out of the eating disorder clinic.

I had to tell the lawyer that I can't keep paying for half of everything. My mom is offering to pay for me to fly home for Christmas. My dad is coming to visit this weekend and will be paying for everything. I'm almost 30 and my finances are worse than when I was in college. It's embarrassing.

I was contemplating ways to increase my income such as--getting a second job, getting a similar job that pays me more, something magical like developing the content of this blog into something advertisers will pay for--when the soon to be ex husband texted me to see if we could discuss the house.

After talking, this is what I gleaned: he wants to refinance the house, but can only get financed for 95% of the appraised value. This means that assuming the condo was appraised at $150,000 (keep in mind that we bought the condo for $159,900 a little over two years ago and due to "improvements" it requires repairs to the flooring) he could get $137,500 so I would have to cover the $22,000 difference. I told him I would talk to the bank, but now that I've had some time to think about it, I'm not sure that it's a good idea for me.

Without the debt from the house, I'll be walking away with almost $40,000 in debt. I don't think I can take on another $20K.

All this has been eating me up inside and I've been afraid to be honest about it. I think I've been overeating to avoid the discomfort.

"The ex" also mentioned a second option: that I file a quit claim deed on the condo and we keep the mortgage in place for now. I'm not comfortable with losing all of my rights to the house, but still retaining my responsibility on the mortgage. However, it sounds like he might be open to taking over the mortgage payments as they are without the quit claim deed until he can refinance, but would that be smart?

I think I'll sleep on it for now and hopefully get some good advice from the lawyer and financial advisor this week. In the mean time, maybe now that I've publicized the situation I can stop hiding it with food.


Anonymous said...


Not sure how I came across your BLOG but possibly your situation is a bit like my ex (separated from each other afew years ago butboth still love each other--she very depressed me not prone to depression). She has gained weight and seems more depressed when she speaks to me but is kind of dependent on me (emotionally-financially). I want to keep speaking but am I making things worse for her? I have a new GF (don't love her) that my ex blames for breakup (met her when separated but GF likely contributed to us not getting back together).

similarities between you and ex
self help books
2 dogs
True blood
and even the way you write

makes your opinion carry more weight

brataloid said...

Thanks for the comment. I'm no expert at this stuff. I'm learning as I go and each situation is different, but in my humble opinion, unless you want to get back together with your ex it's probably better if you don't have contact with each other for a little while. Maybe try going for 60 days without talking. It sucks but it might be good for both of you to gain some independence. Also, I have to admit that I'm a little confused why you're with this new girlfriend if you don't love her. But only you know your situation and what's really best for you. May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be at peace, may you live with ease.