Tuesday, May 24, 2005


Call me crazy, but I still believe in destiny. I believe that everything happens for a reason, particularly when it comes to romance. I believe that my fiance was put here specifically for me. That he and I were made for each other. That something bigger than ourselves brought us together. I have no scientific basis for this belief. I just felt it. He felt it too. That we were meant to be together.

Every once in a while I go back to that moment when we first fell in love, first discovered our fate, and I am conflicted. If we are "soul mates," why does it have to be so hard? Why do we have to plan out every detail of our lives so as not to upset the other person? Write it down. Repeat it three times. Hash it out if we have different agendas. Why do I doubt our love for each other and yet trust it completely at the same time? Why do we have to work at accepting each other as unique and wonderful individuals? Shouldn't all this come naturally if we were meant to be? Shouldn't it be easy? Constantly fulfilling. Never exhausting or frustrating.

When do you know if you're working too hard? When do you know if you are admirably working to compromise or if you are desperately trying to change the other person? Liz Scot writes in her essay "MWF: ISO Soul Mate," "What bothers me is the popular interpretation of 'soul mate', with its pathetic ring of desperation for love and companionship (desperation on which the advertisers of LavaLife happily capitalize), its syrupy enthusiasm for common tastes over common values, its assumption of a fairy-tale perfection that never exists in real relationships and its socially acceptable veneer as an excuse to keep trying on new partners rather than working to get comfortable with the one you already have." Sounds like a much better alternative doesn't it? Not necessarily.

If not for the fairy-tale, how's a girl supposed to know if the relationship is "right"? Maybe the trick is to alter the fairy-tale itself. Much like in the movie "Shrek." We still get the romance, the fairy-tale, but with a bit more honesty. We are all ogres after all. Maybe the trick is to just accept it.

No comments: