Saturday, November 29, 2008

Day 13: A New Approach

For the last couple of days, I've been taking a different approach to dealing with the stress of my divorce. Rather than ruminating about it and worrying about handling it perfectly, I've taken to deliberately forgetting about it for short periods of time.

For example, I woke up this morning with the awful thought that maybe the ex hasn't changed the locks after all. I remember vaguely that the lock was stiff because of some work we had done to realign the door. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough to turn the key. We tossed around the idea of trying it again, but I realized that would accomplish nothing positive so we stuck to the original plan: we went to Multnomah Falls.

Then we went and had amazing 30 minute massages at Beyond Bliss. Talk about letting it all go! That was probably the most therapeutic thing I've done since the separation.

Naturally, the issues of the divorce don't just go away because I stop thinking about them for a while. For instance, I still want to get the last of my stuff from the condo, but now I fear that I am completely at the mercy of the ex to make that happen and I hate it. I can't wait until I am fully out of his grasp. But right now I'm not sure how I should proceed in negotiating the release of my things. So I will wait until I do. This exemplifies the crux of the internal battle that has waged war in my soul during this process.

For me, one of the biggest challenges of this whole divorce process has been knowing when to stand up and fight and when to relax and let things unfold. This continues to be a mystery to me, but for now I intend to do as Baron Baptiste suggest "let go and let good." I'm going to trust that it will all work out in the right time and the right way and that I will be guided when and how to act. Hopefully, it will work out that way.

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