Friday, November 21, 2008

Day 5: Remorse

I received the following text today from my soon to be ex-husband "Lawyer said the papers should be ready soon." This means that we should be getting close to finalizing the divorce. I should be happy. This is what I've been saying I wanted for months. But I'm not happy. I'm sad that our marriage failed.

I'm sorry for all the awful things I said and did to him. I'm sorry I married him. I'm sorry I hurt my friend by dating him, her ex-boyfriend. I'm sorry I let him treat me so poorly. I'm sorry that my parents paid thousands of dollars for a wedding we all knew was doomed. I'm sorry I didn't trust God, didn't run to God, didn't ask God for guidance and wisdom and love.

I wonder how differently this would have all turned out if I had. I wonder how my future will be different if I do.

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