62 Days and Counting

January 21 is quickly approaching. We're headed for Idaho this weekend to meet with the chef, the photographer, the florist and the hairdresser.

Choosing Channels

I found it interesting that last night I chose what channel to watch while working out at the gym by the commercials that appealed to me. I figured if I related to the commercials I would probably like the show that was on that channel, because I assumed that they were both trying to appeal to the same demographic. As far as I can remember I was right.

Elizabethtown

Today we went and saw a movie. For the first time in months. And I got to pick. In case you couldn't guess by the title it was Elizabethtown. It had a great cast and a great story. While I enjoyed all aspects of this movie. I was most touched by the emphasis on life and family and creativity. I recommend it.

Boredom

I'm so bored I'm watching a nature program about grizzly bears. I've known that I was nearing this point for quite some time, but this weekend it has become crystal clear.

The weirdest thing is that I have a lot going on. I'm planning my wedding which is two and a half months away. I work full time. I work out 4-5 days a week. I keep my house clean. I cook. I spend time with my friends. I'm part of a book club (although I didn't read the book last week). I'm wokring with some people from work on a extra ciricular actvity. I have my favorite shows on tv. I read magazines and books often.

And yet I find myself still bored. I think that part of my problem is that I have devoted all of my weekend time to my fiance and when he's busy working on projects and not paying attention to me I don't know what to do with myself. Thus I've decided that I need a hobby. My first attempt to fill this void will be knitting.

I know knitting still invokes a connotation of an old lady sitting in her plastic covered chair with dingy knitted pink booties and knitting tissue box covers, but trust me it's hip right now. We have some really hip stores in the pearl, but lessons and yarn there are pretty expensive so I'm going to start at Michaels and get my feet wet. Then graduate to the more elaborate yarns and patterns and some of these more fun stores.

I like that the hobby is portable and that it creates something useable that you can even give away as gifts. Maybe if you're lucky you'll get one of my new creations.

To Take His Name, Or Not To Take His Name?

That is the question.

I remember when my friends B and T were getting married and he said "I wouldn't marry her if she wouldn't take my name." I thought this was the most barbaric and sexist thing I had ever heard come out of B's mouth. I was appalled and determined that I would never find myself in that situation. No man was worth putting up with that kind of disrespect. I saw changing your name as a way of surrender to the man and that sounded horrible to me.

Later after I got engaged and my mom and aunt were asking if I would change my name and I confessed that I didn't think so it was for entirely different reasons. I liked being a part of my family. I like my last name and I don't like the idea of becoming assimilated into his family which is a little cooky to be quite honest. My aunt put it best when she said, "you want to become Mrs. (My fiance's first name), not Mrs. (My fiance's family name)."

But as W-day approaches I find myself toying with the idea of doing it anyway. It's as though by not changing my name I feel like I'm not officially married. But the few times that I've mentioned it to the man he seems to think I should keep my own name. Partially because he knows how important my independence has been to me and partially because he's had a little financial trouble in the past and feared that my taking on his name would affect my credit history negatively. Not to mention that it can be an expensive and time consuming hassle.

While I've joked that not changing my name will make it easier "if we get divorced" I can't help but feel that not changing my name is a bit like riding the fence. Committed ambiguity.

Marriage Education

Being engaged and planning a wedding is a very interesting process. At least for me it has inspired arguements, passion and creativity. So much thought goes into what kind of cake to have or what dress to wear or what song to dance to, but in the end I can't help, but think none of this matters in the long haul. None of this determines the health or longevity of a marriage.

Many people believe that finding your soul mate is the key, but I am not convinced. Infact, I once read in the April 2004 issue of Psychology Today pyschologist argue that "there's no such thing as compatability." For many people this thought is horrifying. Many of us belive that "remaining in a marriage that doesn't make you blissfully happy is an act of existential cowardice." But in reality, the article says, "feelings of dissatisfaction or disappointemet are natural, but they can seem intolerable when standards are sky-high." If this is true what is the key to a sucessful marriage?

According to a series on NPR many pyschologists believe the marriage education may be the ticket to saving couples from divorce. According to the website for Smart Marriages, the coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples education, "successful couples have the same number of
disagreements as the couples who divorce. Even more interesting, all couples disagree about all the same basic issues - money, kids, sex, housework, in-laws and time. The difference between successful and unsuccessful couples is how they handle their differences."

Pyschologist John Gottman is so good at noticing the things couples do wrong, he can predict marriage stability with 94% accuracy. The four horsemen he says, or the "four key problems that lead to divorce are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. And the worst of these? Contempt for a partner." But in recognizing this are we doomed. Is there now hope?

That's where marriage education comes in. Preferably psychologists want to catch couples while they are still happy and to give the the necessary skills that they say poor and rich alike are lacking when it comes to dealing with our differences. Advoactes of Smart Marriages "agree on one thing: marriage is more than a simple piece of paper, it's an institution that needs to be preserved."

Many of you know, either from reading this blog or from knowing my fiance and I that we are not the perfect couple. And while we have come a long way in our relationship with regard to healthy communication it looks as though we still have a long ways to go. Perhaps it's time for us to invest not only into our wedding, but into our marriage as well.

The Invitations Have Been Sent

Wedding invitations have been posted. We've even had two RSVPs one "regretfully decline" and one "accept gladly" (or whatever it says). Unfortunately, the accept came with no name on the line or return address. All we know is that two people with mail going through Spokane, WA are planning to attend. Perhaps we should have written the names in for them. Hmm...

First Business Trip Ever

I stayed at the Laquinta in room 324, or was it 326. I made sure to tell my SO just incase of emergency because that is what you do on business trips. Right? We even had dinner on the company, complete with drinks. I feel like a real working girl now.

Is It Just Me Or Is The Escalator Going The Wrong Way?

Yes. Yes it is. I walked into my building this morning and went to get on the escalator to ride it to my suite, but something was very wrong. I stood there for quite some time puzzling over the fact that the escalator seemed to be coming at me. I think I even went to step on it, but stopped short, fortunately.

It felt so odd to ride up the other side. For a second I thought maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and this was the way we normally go to get to the office and I was a bit embarrassed with my foolishness.

However, apparently a couple of coworkers had been watching me struggle with the change in my routine and one of them was waiting at the door to raze me about it. LOL.

I'm happy to know that I'm getting into a routine. I'm not very good at establishing them, but I feel much better when I have one. Yay!

Blind Man & Jesus Man

Today was the second time in a week that I had to give up my seat on the Max for a blind man. Two different men. Two different seats. Two different days.

While both instances resulted in strangers talking to me afterward, today's experience was the most eventful.

Riding the max before and after work is a much different experience than riding it on the weekend or during the middle of the day. Regular business riders are quite and polite and keep to themselves and their book of choice.

Every once and a while you'll get a talker or two and usually it's because they're not used to the routine. Today was one of those days. It started shortly after I got on this morning at my usual time in my usual place when "Jesus Man" struck up a conversation with "First-Leg-Of-The-Trip-Man" who has a son in the Army who is going to Iraq soon.

Fortunately this conversation died down quickly after a couple "that's politics for you" statements. So us regulars thought the interruption was averted.

That's when I sat down, only to be told I had to stand up again so that "Blind Man" could sit in my place. Why is it always my seat lately? I was really looking forward to that one too.

Although I didn't really mind moving it was the talking that insued after the move that was upsetting. I was really enjoying my book The Other Side of the Story (thanks Paige) by Marian Keyes, but it was hard to talk as "Blind Man" complained about work and school being so much pressure that he might explode and "Jesus Man" consoling him with the concept of bed time prayers. Thank God "Blind Man" got off at 4th street.

Then "Believer Girl" piped up. Actually she got up and went over to "Jesus Man" and said "You're a believer aren't you?" They proceeded to discuss where they went to church and then she said "Thanks for letting your light shine" as she walked away. Meanwhile the rest of us regulars hesitantly looked at each other (as eye contact is another non-regular event) and rolled our eyes in unison.

When I was telling this story to Terra it seemed very funny. As I'm writing it seems to have lost some of the humor. My apologies.

It's snowing!

Well it's snowing in Salt Lake where my friend Adara lives, which has little to do with me except that I feel like my life is being hit by a blizzard right now! Isn't it funny how everything happens at once?

We're moving into a new apartment on the 19th, which is a Wednesday and we have to be out of our old apartment on the 21st which is a Friday and the fiance and I work opposite schedules (me days, him nights). We're squeezing it into these two days so that we won't have to pay rent on both apartments for the month of October.

To remedy the problem of not being able to carry heavy things alone I took the 21st off and yesterday he went to work only to find out that the Jetta had a flat tire which will probably need to be replaced and when he finally got to the shop he discovered he has to report to his job at 7am on the morning of the 21st!

Last Friday he discovered that the tail pipe fell of the Mazda so the muffler back on that vehicle will also need to be replaced. *Laugh*

When it snows it snows! But it sure is pretty.

So What's Next?

I wonder if it is just human nature to constantly be on the move. Constantly looking toward the next stepping stone. Or maybe it's just us.

We haven't even had the wedding yet and we're already trying to decide what should come after. Who will go to school where and when? Where will we live? Where will we work? What will our lives be like? On some levels this is probably wise to start planning before hand, but regardless it is not easy.

Is it just me or is there so much growth happening in our 20s that the concept of a comfort zone seems unbelievably far fetched. Oddly enough I had begun to think my life had reached a plateau and then bam! the future discussions began...

After All That

After coming up with a name, convincing the fiance to keep him and taking him to get his first two rounds of shots the cat ran away yesterday. Good-bye Mr. Bones. Good luck!

Princess for a day

I must admit I have been quite hesitant about getting to excited about the wedding. I don't want to be one of those idiot brides who stomps on everyone else to be a princess for a day only to find out that real life is no fairy tale and her real man is no prince charming. But yesterday I succumed and I loved it.

While walking by Jessica McClintock during the Race for the Cure my soon to be sister-in-law and I noticed this dress (G don't click on this link) in the window. After the race I dragged her back to the boutique so I could try the dress on.

Although it wasn't quite the right size it was smashing! I looked and felt like a snow fairy princess. So despite the previous challenge of finding the J. Crew dress I am returning the unopened box and purchasing the snow fairy princess dress right away!

I did face the let down as well when I got home after dress shopping. While the unexpectedly large credit card bill was upseting, what really got me was when I went inside because I was hungry to make dinner and start the homemade dog biscuits from the spent grain leftover after Gabe made beer. Despite the fact that he had asked me to make dinner because he was hungry he did not come inside until 2 hours after I told him dinner was ready. In the meantime I got so hungry I couldn't stop eating the dog biscuit dough...which sounds worse than it really was. Followed by taking the dog out to poop in the field I came back to the house a red slobbery mess of tears. Poor Prince Charming had no idea what hit him.

Danke

Today is a blessed day. Today I found the perfect pair of black pants!

I'd like to thank you for your support. I couldn't have done it without my friend T who patiently waited for me as I tried on a plethora of black pants at a variety of different stores. Nor could I have done it with out the expert advice of my friend Paige who directed me to Express. Loves it! I'd like to thank my friend Martha for empathising with me in my time of need. At lastly, I'd like to thank Perky at the Express store and his sidekick Blondie who directed me to the Correspondent and helped me find the dressing rooms.

The Hunt for Black Pants

As fall approaches it seems as if it is nature's way of saying, "It's time to update your wardrobe." Having been inspired by an episode of "What not to Wear: Where are they now" on Saturday and a recent article in Real Simple, I am on the hunt for the perfect pair of black pants. And when I find them, which I will, I will buy them in charcoal and chocolate too.

However, this is not as easy as it looks. According to the article the perfect pair of pants for me is at Kohl's, but we don't have those out here. Also, said pants have an elastic waist band. I would like to believe that I am still too young for that.

You would think that having your office building attached to a mall would help, but I've been striking out there too. I have yet to search Meir & Frank and Nordstrom's.

Not only is the way the pants fit my body important. I also want them to fit my pocket book. I'm tempted to stop by Old Navy because they tend to have cute stuff for an affordable price, but I find that their clothes wear out from washing way too quickly. I want something that will last at least until winter, but more than one season would be fabulous.

These are the dilemmas of my life. I realize that they are very superficial and light compared to the trials that other women face such as losing family members in the aftermath of hurricane Katrina or war. For this I am thankful and just a twinge guilty.

To DJ or not to DJ?

That is the question at hand. We were completely content to be the modern budget conscious bride and groom that this story refers to, but the lodge where we are having the wedding doesn't have the right equipment to work with the iPod. Therefore we would have to rent a PA system. Not to mention buy the iPod. Plus buy and download all the music. The average DJ in the town where we are getting married runs $450 for 4 hours of play time. It's beginning to look like we could easily spend the same on our own makeshift system.

However, when I talked to my fiance today he said that it is not the price he's worried about (unlike my dad), but the cheesy jokes and the cheap suited man bossing us around. I personally think that a DJ would simplify things and keep the reception moving.

Is it worth the extra effort and possibly cash to keep my groom happy?

Giving Props!

For those of you who have read this blog before, you know that I have a tendency to analyze my relationship which often results in whining or commiserating about my love life. But this time I have something positive to say about my fiance. We are getting married after all. I figure it can't hurt to bring up one of his positive characteristics once in a while.

Anyway the point is that yesterday he took initiative with regard to the wedding plans. He actually called his dad to discuss the rehearsal dinner and called the golf course to reserve lodging and ask a few other questions. Keep in mind that I did not ask him to do this. He did this of his own accord! Yay!

Dogs in the Dark

Ok...Is it just me or is it a sign that you know your dog too well if you can find and pick up it's poop in the dark?

Cats Like Water?

My kitten has taken to drinking out of the dog's water dish which is more like a kiddy pool for the kitten. It's so big and high off the ground that he has to stand on his back feet and put his front feet into the water to get any on his tongue. So I didn't think anything of it when he came into the kitchen with his face and front paws so dripping wet he kept sprinkling me with droplets.

But later I was sitting on the couch and I turned around to find him wading and splashing in the water dish. He kinda looked like he was getting ready to pee in it so I grabbed him out of the dish. There was water everywhere. All over the wall. All over the floor. All over the kitten.

All that water gave me a great idea. "Shadow (his unofficial name) must have been in the water dish getting wet because he feels dirty and wants a bath." So I took him over to the kitchen sink and proceeded to thoroughly soak him and then lather him with dish soap. He really didn't seem to mind any of this until I went to rinse him off again. Yowza!