Thursday, August 25, 2005

One More Thing

Hmmm...I hesitate to admit this but I was watching a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond about Debra during PMS last night to pass the time until Veronica Mars started. When the show ended I was left feeling confused and conflicted.

Albeit she got a bit out of control and irate, but I couldn't help but think that her frustration was justified. I realize that they have arranged it so that he works and she takes care of the house and the kids, but come on! That doesn't mean that he can't put his dirty underwear in the hamper instead of on the kitchen floor, which was one of the reasons she was angry.

I know this is just a TV show, but I also know that these situations take place in real life. How do I know you ask? Because they happen at our house all the time. Granted we have no such arrangement. We both work so it is a little different, but the concept is similar.

For instance, I asked my fiance to vacuum the floor the other day and he did it (except he didn't do the stairs, but I'm trying to let that go). So I said thank you. The fact that I have to ask him to do such things, however is kinda frustrating in and of itself. I know he did chores when he was growing up and he can tell the difference between a clean house and a dirty one.

But the topic that I chose to discuss with him was the lack of "thank yous" I get for doing domestic chores. Particularly because the night before I had gone grocery shopping and made two entrees for him to take in his lunches or eat for dinners as well as chocolate cupcakes. Anytime I notice that he has done something domestic I try to say thank you, except for maybe when he empties the dishwasher. Maybe because it happens so frequently.

Anyway, my point is that in my mind he doesn't thank me because his understanding is that these are my responsibilities because I am the woman. However, I thank him because he, being a man, doesn't "have" to do these things. I understand where these ideals come from, but I can't help but think they are antiquated. If we are modern enough to live together before being married aren't we modern enough to be in a relationship that respects that we both work equal hours, we both dirty the house and we are both able to clean it?


carlos said...

Division of household chores is, in my understanding, alwaysa cause of discord. I remember way back when in my last relationship always feeling like I was getting the bigger workload. Perhaps that's one reason why it failed...but that's neither here nor there.

Speaking of Ray, is it me or is he the worst husband and father in the world?

It makes for a funny sitcom but in real life he would be long divorced. He treats his wife like shit and he hates spending time with his kids. In fact, one rarely sees the kids anyway. It's like they are always locked up in their rooms or something.

Martha said...

It's like you're living my life ...